Saying "I Don't Know What I'm Doing" in Sex

When it comes to two cisgendered women having sex, there is this assumption or expectation for it to be mind-blowing because there are two vaginas. If you have a vagina, you know what a vagina likes and how to "handle" a woman's body because you have one. Well ... But what if you don't????

ASK QUESTIONS CONFIDENTLY

This pressure for lesbians to be great at sex simply because we "have the same parts" is a LOT to deal with for young, exploring, or inexperienced women. Even myself, who is no longer young but is still exploring and feeling quite inexperienced, there's only so much I still know about what feels good to me. And what I may do in masturbation isn't necessarily the same things I like in sex with another person. As well, just because something feels good to me, I don't want to assume it feels good to someone else.

So, how do we deal with this pressure? How do we avoid the fear of not living up to this expectation that we are supposed to automatically know what to do? Here's my thought, get comfortable with saying "I don't know what I'm doing." When I'm with a new person, a new body, a new vagina .... I honestly don't know what to do because I know everyone is different. Sure, there are probably a few universal things that feel good to most people, but I would honestly prefer to know exactly what to do. I really want to force myself to accept that just because I may not have this primal, lesbian instinct some other people seem to have that guides them through lesbian sex. I need to be told what to do because I need to know what my sexual partner wants me to do, I don't want to guess. I don't think any of us should guess. Let's all get very comfortable with asking "What do you want me to do?" If your sexual partner has an answer, you've now been given a starting point and you've opened up the conversation for very communicative sex.

The point is, don't be afraid to let someone know that you don't know what they want or how they want it. How could you? I mean, don't get me wrong, please also pay attention to your partner's body cues and sounds when it comes to specifics and details. Use your ears the entire time, feel things, notice slight changes in movement or voice. Ask questions AND pay attention. These two things together are the perfect combination for successfully pleasing your partner.